Criminal Minds: “What's a BFF?”

Full disclosure: I do, on occasion, refer to Criminal Minds' Supervisory Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid (Ph.D., not M.D.) as “My Future Husband, Supervisory Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid.” Last night's episode, “The Performer,” did absolutely nothing to temper my love for the good doctor, but rather made me giggle and clap like a kid at the circus. But more on that later.

“The Performer,” written by Holly Harold, centers around a series of murders in which the victims are exsanguinated via a pair of puncture wounds on the neck. Oh, that's right, folks, it's a VAMPIRE episode! You know, when I added a “cashing in on vampires” tag to this blog, I never expected to use it this frequently. That being said, I don't think CM is necessarily trying to cash in on vamps, since I can't imagine a way to make money off a single episode of a TV series that isn't available on iTunes or Amazon (yet). I don't think the show has dealt with vampirism before this, and it's an interesting psychological facet for the killer.

The titular performer is “Dante” a sort of HIM-like vampire rock star, played by – hey, that's Gavin Rossdale! Hi, Gavin Rossdale! Does Gwen know you're out in that makeup? He sings a cover of Joy Division's “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and then, because he's a real rock star, drinks straight from the bottle and smashes things backstage. Meanwhile, a concertgoer with really unfortunate hair gets murdered and dumped on a freeway exit ramp. Clip below:



Our intrepid team of BAU agents spends some time with a detective we last met, I believe, when Reid was getting up close and personal with a comely starlet being threatened by a stalker. Matthew Gray Gubler gets opening-quote honors this week, with a bit of Montague Summers (whose book on werewolves is sitting on my desk right now, actually). Supervisory Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid is full of fun information about vampirism and cannibalism that makes me glad I don't have to visit crime scenes for a living. There's also the interesting tidbit that the sort of obsession with blood and vampires that characterizes this weeks "unsub" (suspect) is referred to as "Renfield syndrome," after the character in Bram Stoker's Dracula. During the course of the investigation, we get other vampire references, including one to that vampire megafranchise that's getting its second installment next week – the victim's computer password is “Cullen” – and, in my favorite moment of the episode, we find out that Reid doesn't know what Twilight is. Reid has never heard of Twilight and I love him a little more with each passing moment.

The Good: Gavin Rossdale does a decent job as the drug-addicted (I assume) rock star and murder suspect who hates his vampire persona. I thought he was much more watchable here than in Constantine. Of course, that may be because Constantine was kind of terrible (in a fun way!). He looks terrible in the vampire makeup, but I'm sure the same could be said of anyone in that getup. The writing was better than it is for most well-hyped celebrity cameos, and Rossdale does a surprisingly good job of delivering it convincingly. The team banters a little bit, talking about their favorite albums and musicians at the end of the episode, which goes a long way toward relieving the heavy violence and drama that is the trademark of a show about serial killers. Also, Reid's complete cluelessness when it comes to pop culture is always good comic relief.

The Bad: J.J. ignores warning bells (e.g. the kind of muttering only crazy people do) and walks into a situation with no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. Her lack of perceptiveness seems odd for an FBI agent, especially one who, while not a profiler herself, has worked with the Behavioral Analysis Unit for over five years now – what, she hasn't learned anything from either her training or from working with the other BAU agents? Besides, in addition to being an FBI agent, she's also a new mother, and while J.J. has never been afraid to put herself at risk when it's her job, she's always backed down when the others told her to consider her baby. You would think walking into a house that looks that crazy with someone who's acting that crazy might give her pause, even if she's not expecting trouble.

Verdict: Very entertaining and definitely worth a rewatch. Too bad it's not on CBS.com or iTunes or Amazon or Hulu. I'll be watching for this one during rerun season.